Your favorite client or coworker (you know, the person you don’t complain about over dinner every night) for making your life easier. Doctors, nurses, and hospital staff who have made a difference in caring for you or a loved one. Your children’s teachers, caregivers, and coaches for their expertise and devotion. Someone who gave you a gift ages ago that you find yourself treasuring or using constantly. Re-thank that person. Your favorite anybody. That’s right—bona fide fan mail to writers, actors, singers. I love what the writer Carolyn See had to say about this in her book Making a Literary Life: “These notes are like paper airplanes sailing around the world. They say to him or her, ‘Your work is good and admirable! You’re not laboring in a vacuum. There are people out in the world who know what you do and respect it.’ ”
Play cards or board games.Do a puzzle.Ask them to teach you: embroidery, Yiddish, how to make their famous Bolognese.Bring an emery board, polish, and remover, and give a manicure.Make a pot of tea, ask questions about their past, and listen.Photographs might help trigger memories.Offer to explain their phone, e-mail, or TV. (Or get your teen to do it.)Sing show tunes together, or put on the radio and invite them to dance.Bonus points for bringing along small children.
Anything homemade (muffins, soup) or goodies from a local bakery. A map with all of your favorite eateries and playgrounds highlighted. A stack of takeout menus. Your name and number. (We’re the stucco house on the corner—twins in front yard!)
Stand to greet people. It’s welcoming, yes, but it also may require them to put down their phones.Treat older people with respect. Use honorifics (Mr., Mrs., Dr.) unless instructed not to; offer a seat on the bus; help with doors and coats.Make conversation with adults, including eye contact (practice this with them), healthy back-and-forth, and good active-listening skills, such as nodding and asking follow-up questions.Be a gracious host. Even if friends are just over to play Minecraft, let the guests choose the activities, offer them refreshments, see them to the door when they leave, and thank them for coming.Be a gracious guest. Ask if you can help set the table or toss the salad; clean up the Lego blocks and watercolors you used; thank your host’s parents for having you.
